Ok, I laughed out loud quite a few times! These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are things people (mostly attorneys actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying straight faced while these exchanges were actually taking place. 

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?        
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.             
__________________________________________________________  
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of
theimpact?               
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________  
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?              

WITNESS: Yes.              
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?      
WITNESS: Iforget.               
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example ofsomething you forgot?  
__________________________________________________________  
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?              

WITNESS: He said,'Where am I, Cathy?'               
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?               
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________  
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?             

WITNESS: We both do.   
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?               
WITNESS: We do.  
ATTORNEY: You do?               
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.             
__________________________________________________________  
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when aperson dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the nextmorning?               
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?             
__________________________________________________________  
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old,
how old is he?               
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.  
__________________________________________________________  
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?               
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?      
__________________________________________________________  
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?              

WITNESS: Yes.            
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?           
WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting' laid.             
__________________________________________________________  
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?        
WITNESS: Yes.               
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?               
WITNESS: None.               
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?               
WITNESS: Are you for real? Your Honour, I think I needa different              
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?             
__________________________________________________________  
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.               
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?               
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?             
__________________________________________________________  
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?      
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?        
WITNESS: Guess.             
__________________________________________________________  
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?               
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.             
__________________________________________________________  
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have youperformed on dead people?               
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.Would you like to rephrase that?             
_________________________________________________________   
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?               
WITNESS: Oral.      
_________________________________________________________   
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?              

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.               
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?               
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!             
_________________________________________________________   
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?               
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?             
_________________________________________________________   
And the best for last:                           
 
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?               
WITNESS: No.              
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?              
WITNESS: No.              
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?               
WITNESS: No.              
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?              
WITNESS: No.               
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?               
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in ajar.              

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?             
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.